Meet Baby Reddin. In May I found out I was pregnant. This was not a planned pregnancy but every child is a blessing! My husband and I, although anxious about how we would get ready for it, were excited about having another child. Because I have had 3 previous miscarriages we were cautious. I got on my Progesterone right away and that boosted our confidence tremendously. Still I waited until we saw a good strong heartbeat for a couple of weeks until we told the boys. Ethan, my almost 5 year old, was so excited! Of course my toddler didn’t really have a clue what was coming. That same day we announced it on Facebook. There was much celebrating!! 🙂
I went in for another sonogram on June 27th and this time brought Ethan and Nathaniel. Ethan was so excited to see the baby on the big screen. The technician got me prepped and began the sonogram. Immediately I knew something was wrong. The above picture was a week earlier and now you couldn’t even tell it was a baby……he/she must have died a few days before the sonogram. There was no heartbeat found. Ethan asked excitedly, “Did we see the baby?” I just answered, “Yes, we did!” I didn’t want to take away that moment from him.
The celebrating stopped…..in fact it felt like my life froze and so many thoughts and feelings flooded within me.
But I was taking my Progesterone……that was why I lost the others!
I can’t go through this again. I just can’t.
How am I going to tell Ethan?
After I got the boys into the car I wept and wept and wept. After I could catch my breath I called my husband. I said, “The baby is dead!” Ethan wailed behind me in his car seat, “NO! But I wanted to meet the baby!!!!” I will never forget the way he said that. My husband and I decided we had better explain things to him right then and there. I put him on speaker and I explained to Ethan that the baby died in Mommy’s belly and that we wouldn’t be able to bring this one home with us like we did his little brother. And that it was in heaven with Jesus.
The past 3 months have been extremely difficult. I miss my baby. I love my baby. Some would say that being only 8 weeks pregnant would make it easier. Or the fact that I’ve been through this 3 times before would mean that I am a pro at this whole losing a baby thing. Well it’s not easy. No one ever gets numbed to a loss. Each one is a new, fresh grieving process.
With October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month I wanted to share the newest chapter to my story. If you’d like to read more about my story go here to read a previous blog post. Why do I share this with people that do not know me? Because 1 in 4 women that get pregnant WILL have a miscarriage. How many women do you know that have been or are pregnant? My guess is that it’s way more than 4. There are so many other women that have lost a baby in a different way.
Maybe you are one that has experienced a loss. Are you silently grieving? Please know that you do not have to be alone in this. Tell someone you are comfortable with about your pain. Allow others to grieve with you. It’s then and only then that you will get the support and encouragement you need.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or reply how you specifically need prayer right now. I love you all and want you to know that I am remembering your babies with you this month and always.
Grace and Peace,
Copyright 2014 Melissa Reddin